Category: Funny Stuff

The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards.

James

Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and
sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award – The “Stella” Award –
for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S. The following are this year’s
candidates:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000
by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
brat was Ms. Robertson’s son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Acord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car, when he was trying to steal his neighbour’s hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was Leaving a
house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn’t reenter the house because the door connecting
the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He
sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbour’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced-in
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.Carson threw it
at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Alton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the
owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded
$12,000 and dental expenses.
And the winner is…
Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City.
In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago
motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the
cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the
back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the Winnie left
the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising him the handbook that he couldn’t actually do this. He was awarded
$1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago. Winnebago actually changed their handbooks
on the back of their court case, just in case there are any other complete
morons buying their vehicles.
In another case!!
Phone Sex Operator Wins Suit Fort Lauderdale, FL
A Florida phone sex operator has won a worker’s compensation settlement
claiming that she was injured after regularly pleasuring herself at work.
During the course of her claim for Workers’ compensation benefits, the
40-year-old employee of Fort Lauderdale’s CFP Enterprises Inc. said she
developed carpal tunnel syndrome also known as repetitive motion injury in
both hands from pleasuring herself as many as seven times a day while
speaking with callers. The woman used one hand to answer the telephone and
the other to note customers’ names and fetishes and to give herself an
orgasm during the verbal exchanges. In her petition for workers’
compensation benefits, filed with Florida’s Department of Labor and
Employment Security, the woman claimed that she received her injury from
“repetitive use of the phone.” She claimed weekly benefits of $267 a week
and also asked to be reimbursed for $30,000 in medical bills after a
neurosurgeon operated on her hands to relieve her pain.